Debt

Hiya,

So if you have been following my Facebook for the last 2 years you will know me and money don't seem to get along, well I lie I get along with money just fine when I have it! Now I am not gonna go off blaming the world and his wife (although I kind of am) I know it is my fault I have always lived above my means, divine decadence and all that Jazz

However I can't help feeling severely trodden on by our fine government. I know I know I am not the only one and there are people worse off than me but really am I not allowed to be even slightly pissed off that my education has put me in to £20,000+ worth of debt and I have fuck all to show for it!

If you had asked me at aged 7 what my ambition was in life I would of told you it was to go to university, it is all I ever wanted to do, I looked up to all those cool kids in the 90's teen flicks heading off to college to sit on beanbags in dark rooms, drinking coffee and saying things like "I think therefore I am and the wisest man knows he knows nothing". I was going to shave my hair off (like I did) and join protests and rallies and publish amazing pieces of work (which I did not) and at the end of it I was going to graduate and I was going to take up a high position at the UN or an awesome charity or I was going to sit in my country cottage publishing grate works of poetry and philosophy.

Well I did graduate and it was awesome, I got through the three years that turned out to be the most challenging three years my personal life had ever faced, I passed a course that everyone told me not to do, not only did I pass but I got a First Class, a grade that only a year earlier would of entitled me to a free Masters degree but no, I still had to pay £6,000 to sit an MA. and what do I have to show for it? daily calls from my numerous deters and a two nights a week bar job serving happy go lucky 18 year olds toxins that they can spew up the next morning.

It just makes me sick, not because I think bar work is below me, if anything I know full well anyone who thrives in the retail and leisure industry has skills far out weighing my own but because I have fought for this. I have gritted my teeth and I have pushed through every early morning, every special ed class, every English test paper I knew I had all ready lost marks on because of my dyslexia, every test that required far superior memory capacity to my own, every lunch time I spent eating my lunch in a toilet cubical to avoid having my head kicked in, every bus ride when I was spat at and shouted at and had my shoes and my bag stolen every fucking day that I woke up wishing I was dead. I got up I packed my bag and I achieved. I made sure that I achieved that grade A English GCSE. even though I was told at age 5 I would never pass an English exam, I made sure that  remained polite and looked at everyone with caring eyes even those who had abused me, I made sure that I still got a First Class degree even though I was dealing with crippling anxiety and the end of a five year relationship, so I sure as hell made sure I got a place on a MA  course even though it was going to put me £10,000 further in debt.

Yet still I have nothing more to show for it than a piece of paper and a part time job. I get told so often that my problem is I am not willing to work hard to get success my argument is that I all ready have and it has got me no where!

Now I am willing to say OK in this day and age non industry specific degree's are pretty worthless, so I spend over 700 hours volunteering wherever I can to make sure I have experience, it is yet to provide any solid opportunity. I have even said OK I will start from the bottom again I will do an apprenticeship I will retrain for an NVQ but nnnooooo if you have a degree in the UK you receive no help funding NVQ training, you are not eligible for an apprenticeship scheme you also can not access any support from organisations such as the Prince's Trust. The assumption being if you have a degree you won't need financial support to find a job. In 2013 however the assumption that a degree leads to employment is just one of the most out dated ridicules assumptions. I was told directly by a course lead that by completing a masters degree would allow me to enter jobs paying £30,000-£40,000 a year well BULL SHIT I am struggling to get interviews for jobs paying half that amount.

I also have an issue as living with my partner means my finances are no longer my own in the eyes of the government, I can't apply for Job seekers or any sort of income support as my partner works a 40 hour week, lets not take in to account his student debt levels or anything. I can't even apply for a debt consolidation plan without having to involve my other half, he does not want to do that, have me come in and affect his credit rating? I think not

It is just so frustrating I am slipping through every gap in every net and there is so little in the way of support. I was always told that the first step of reaching out for help was the hardest, what bollocks, finding some one to catch you whilst fall is the difficult part.

I know something will come along eventually and in the mean time I just need to keep swimming against this tide of shit but just for today I am going to wallow in a pit of self pity eating my weight in chocolate biscuits just hoping for a brake.

xxx