When I was in school I had massive body issues, like many teenage girls do but I got bullied a lot about my looks. I did not "fit" in to the current parameters of beauty (if it was the 50's it would of been a different story!) my round features, frizzy hair, 'corn beef arms' (keratosis pilaris) and dark body hair made me a bit of a target during my school years. I believed for many years I was not good enough in some way, this unfortunately conflicted with my rather extroverted, exhibitionist personality.
After every photo shoot however I always felt a little disappointed because I had had so much fun and felt amazing but when I got the pictures back I was never the image of 'perfection' I wanted to be. I would beat myself up for days about it and would mean going months between shoots because I would need to recover from the disappointment of the last. I was always stubborn though, I would always pull my self out of it and I NEVER went on a diet. I have never been over or under weight in my adult life and although my diet has not always been healthy I have never been a unhealthy weight so I figure why change?!
Once I came to university the modelling slowed down, as I moved to a new place and began meeting new people. It was still a dream however so I would buy magazines with models in I found beautiful and inspiring and would pin the images up across my room. In 2010 I set up the Burlesque Society at the University and really started to get in to vintage/ pin up fashion.
As part of the society I started to learn a lot about pin up posing, facial expression, make up and hair so began reaching out for photographers again. I was still a bit apprehensive about putting myself out there with my 'stats' being what they where but I loved doing it so I was brave and started modelling again.
I still struggled with my post shoot blues but I found working with photographers I trusted, respected and got on with really helped me loosen up and remember why I was doing it in the first place! So I kept going and I am so glad I did.
During 2012-2013 I took a bit of a break from modelling as I was doing lots of youth work and teacher trainer type things but I soon realised it was something I would really miss and I started to get back in to the swing of things. As I have now been modelling for nearly 9 years on and off I feel it is the right time to really push it and see if it can go any further, without having the boob job, the jaw enhancement ect.. after all you only live once (in this body any way!)
Earlier today I watched a documentary on young girls trying to make it in the fashion industry, they where starving, miserable and unhealthy. I don't ever want to be that and if I did I would stop modelling all together! I think I have always taken for granted my love for posing and showing off in front of a camera is not shared by everyone and my willingness to get stuck in there spending my weekends sat in bird poop or broken glass all in the aim of capturing that one image is not something many people would be willing to do! It is this love for modelling that makes me a good model, not my perfect skin, or strong jaw or long legs, but my passion and drive for what I do!
Miss S x
